Published: 8/8/2023
A few tips for facing the daunting challenge of university, from an autistic adult.
[AN: Myself and my two research project partners delivering a brief talk about our dissertation at an undergraduate BPS conference, April 2023]
I've graduated! After a whirlwind of adventures and quite rocky mental health, I'm very pleased with being able to confidently graduate and begin the next step. But my confidence wasn't always there.
Plunging into oblivious pre-diagnosis freshers, I'll admit my concerns were clouded by the desire to find some stable friends and a fair amount of alcohol. But once the facade of freedom finally wore off, my worries about fitting in returned and this time, it was accompanied by a pending Autism diagnosis that made a lot more sense than just 'you're a weird outcast'. [AN: Still haven't got the official 'on the records' diagnosis, but that's a story for another time.]
Knowing that I'd be returning to university sometime after the initial COVID-19 lockdown, I was incredibly nervous. This would be the first time living in my own flat, needing to self-manage, maintain my own schedule and self-cater for myself, 465 miles (748km) away from home. This was my second year and I did have at least a term and a half of experience living in catered halls, but moving out of this accommodating structure and leaving behind a supportive Warden team made me uncertain.
Being incredibly committed to my first end goal of graduating, I put some new actions in place in a sort of 'trial and error' way to see if they would help me manage university life independently. It took a while before these mechanisms really became refined and perfected, but the motions I was going through by the end of fourth year certainly helped when faced with limited support and accommodation.
I've decided to write a few down here, in the hopes that any nervous Freshers can try some of these out and feel a little bit more confident in their next big adventure.
Tip #1: Post-It Notes
It's entirely understandable that among the many trains of thought inside an Autistic's brain, certain appointments and important conversations get pushed to the side and accidentally forgotten. This is absolutely valid to experience, however in a university environment sometimes we cannot afford to explain "I'm sorry my brain is full of a lot of things, I forgot." In particular, you don't want to miss doctor's appointments, degree meetings and lecturer open office hours.
Post-It Notes are your best friend. I always carried a stack of sticky notes and a pen so when an arrangement got made, I wrote it down and stuck it to my bedroom wall. Even if it was immediately placed into my phone calendar.
Taking it a step further, in fourth year so to keep on track with my dissertation research appointments, I created a sticky note grid of Mon-Sun on my wall. I'd stick up weekly regular appointments in pink, sports club related events in yellow, and one off academic appointments and work deadlines in green.
This allowed me to visually see on almost a 24/7 time period what additional events I had that week and how I should manage my work/social life balance.
[AN: I really wish I had a photo of my sticky note wall - I thought I had taken a photo :(...]
Tip #2: Music
You wouldn't believe how much music I immersed myself in daily at university. I once had to respond on a research participant screening about how much music I listened to, and I had to sheepishly admit I barely went without.
This one is a little subjective, however, I found it incredibly useful so I thought I'd share.
I'm not going to suggest listening to music in all scenarios, as I really do encourage trying to engage in social settings - friendships in university are a lot less judgmental than high school and their willing support was beautiful. I also encourage you to focus within lectures!
Here's how I did it: I had speakers in my room for listening at home, earphones in my pocket for when I had to run errands or go for a walk, and headphones in my bag for studying. In each scenario, I spent extensive time creating perfect playlists that would maintain my focus and keep me calm and grounded for each task I was doing.
When I was in a situation where listening to music might seem antisocial or inappropriate, I drew on one of the songs I had been recently listening to and allowed it to play in my mind silently while I tapped out the rhythm on any nearby surface. This wasn't as effective as the real deal, but it did help with some grounding.
To show it a little more visually, I've created a diagram for you :) [AN: love me some diagrams]
"Music led to reduced anxiety, improved speech output...and increased interaction with peers." - J.Palumbo, on Music and Autism.
Tip #3: Student Services/Disability Support
If you can, get in contact with your university's student services as soon as possible. Many universities are also now accepting pending diagnoses and symptomatic conditions (such as depression and anxiety) as means for extra academic support. This also includes if you take anti-depressants or other mental-health-related medication, but don't have an official diagnosis.
Extra support can include easier accepting of extensions, a note to lecturers/tutors that you may not turn up to classes every single week, extra exam time and weekly/biweekly well-being check-ins. This is the support I received without my Autism diagnosis but with evidence of experiencing low mood and taking medication for such symptoms. Other students, I have conversed with received similar support with evidence of a pending Autism investigation only.
So don't feel as if you cannot get support if you don't have your diagnosis yet. Speak to Student Services (or get someone else/your medical carer to help you) and push as much evidence their way to ensure you get some academic support.
Even if you don't think you need academic support, I'd advise you still to speak to one of the well-being team so they can offer some approaches. Sometimes they'll help you to find local counsellors, or get you to try out SilverCloud (virtual CBT), or maybe give you a few new insights into how to find the right support.
Ways to speak to university Student Services usually:
- Check the university website.
- Do a Google for "'your university' Student Services".
- Pick up a leaflet at a Freshers Fair.
- Go and check their building out in person.
- Speak to friends about whether they know how to contact them.
Tip #4: Accepting Autistic Burnout
Here is something important that I had to learn: You are Autistic, your brain works in a different way from 'typically known processing'. What others may be capable of within a set time, you might not be able to do without some adjustment. What you can do within a set time, others might take x2 longer to complete. You need to find a balance, you don't need to fit in with what everyone else is doing. Give yourself some slack and respond to your needs.
There is nothing wrong with how you do cope and you MUST allow your body the time it needs to refresh. If you've spent Monday to Friday working on an important deadline and it's tired you out, don't beat yourself up for declining a social request. Don't push yourself out in a spat of guilt because you think your friends will ignore you for not accompanying them.
This is what I did in the first year and by the end of the first term, I had made myself physically ill and had to spend Christmas with a fever and a stomach bug. It taught me in a rather harsh way that I had to positively accept that I, as an Autistic student, would burn out much more frequently than my non-Autistic (Allistic) friend and that if I ignored it, it would bottle up and turn into a 2-week long depressive slump.
Give yourself either one day a week or a collection of 24 hours splattered across your schedule to rest in a way that does not sap energy. Set your own boundaries and make sure your flatmates know when you're having a 'burnout recovery day' so they know how best to respond to you. I can't promise this won't stop every single ASD burnout depressive episode, but it can really help you manage the difficult deadlines, exam weeks and tough university commitments.
Things I recommend for a recovery day:
- Familiar films/series.
- Sleep in without an alarm.
- Walk alone in your favourite part of town (mine was the forest).
- Music jams.
- Naps
- Reading or writing fun books.
Tip #5: Neurodivergent Buddies
One thing that really got me through university where my self-regulation and university support could not, was the knowledge that I had some Autistic and other neuro-divergent friends of varying age ranges and experiences. Most of these were online friends who I'd met through my mental health activism, but I did meet a few wonderful students in real life too.
When it comes to being predominantly introverted, perhaps the idea of making friends is the most daunting aspect of university. I propped open my door with a packing box (I recommend doing this when you first enter halls) and pretty much let my neighbours stick their head into my room out of curiosity.
These weren't the friends I ended university with, but they allowed me to join social trips and Freshers events until I met my perfect crowd. Needless to say, that's probably the most nervous I have ever been and I understand if this friendship-making technique is not the one for you. It often felt like a game of blindfolded darts - if you do end up hitting the board, you might get a neurodivergent friend, or you might not. [AN: You don't just need ND friends, but it can help if some of your friends are also ND.]
One beneficial thing about studying in University within the 21st Century AND post COVID-19, is that a lot of socialising and news has converted to online. It's the perfect opportunity to sit in your room and scroll through your university's Facebook or Instagram to see if there are any neurodivergent clubs or social groups. It might seem odd, but I do recommend checking out your university's LGBTQ+ society as this is where I met a large portion of my ND friends.
Having even an ND friend available over text, this enabled me to panic message "help I don't know what X is" or "How do I manage Y" and to get a genuine helpful response back that you can relate to on a large scale. Or, it's perfect for simply having a friend that will wholeheartedly allow you to rant about your hyperfixation and then respond by doing exactly the same.
Have a meme.
Remember: Sticky Notes, Music, Student Services, Accepting Burnout, Friends.
I can't promise that this will support you 100% throughout university - but I hope they can give you an initial step. The best way to get through each week is to know that your Autism is your friend and you don't need to repress it. There are hundreds and thousands of students at university each year - you won't be alone and you certainly are not expected to conform to a routine or societal act that isn't you.
Me with the majority of the School of Psychology and Neuroscience 4th year graduates outside our University building. I'd be surprised if you can spot me!!
Written by Juliette (Jules) Balchin
Email me at: juliette.balchin@tintabee.co.uk
Find me on Twitter: @ElizJuliette
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